Stuff Missionaries Say…

Fat menThe longer I live here in Paraguay, the more I realize what kind of stuff comes out of my mouth. Stuff I thought I would never hear myself say.

Crazy stuff.

Wacky stuff.

It’s Stuff Missionaries Say…

These are things that have actually been said. Some are borrowed from other missionaries. Some are mine.

I see this DVD was made by filming the show, but was it with a hand-held camcorder or a cellphone?

There are not a lot of original DVD discs available here. However, there are literally hundreds of thousands of copies. I have watched movies where shadow people walk across the screen heading to the popcorn stand. I have watched movies where there is another show’s audio playing in the background. I have watched movies that looked like Michael J. Fox was holding the cellphone making the copy.

So you’re going to carry that live pig on a motorcycle?

This has come up more often than you may think. I have seen a live pig being delivered to its purchaser via a small motorcycle more than once. One guy drives and the other sits on the back holding said pig on its back, feet in the air. Good luck with that.

Oh, ok. You don’t use your car/motorcycle headlights at night because it takes power away from the motor.

GREAT idea. You can drive faster with all that power until someone, who can’t see you, pulls out. Then you won’t need all that power. You’ll need a box to put your gizzard in.

Hey dude, are you really pregnant and sassy like your shirt says?

It seems to be en vogue to use English words. It’s common to see it on clothing, posters and business names. Sometimes the translation is a little wacky and sometimes it is just plain hilarious.

Is that Coke bottle the one that the milk came in?

When we lived more rural our milk came in whatever soda bottle the lady had handy. She would rinse them out and funnel the raw milk in. We would then shake it a little and boil it before using it.  She liked it if we brought the empty plastic bottles back for reuse.

What has been coming out of your mouth lately?

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