The Roulette Sanctuary

As a pastor, it is very frustrating, shares Pastor Boreman. People come early to get the good seats. By that I mean the ones in the back, near the door. We usually lose twenty-five percent of the congregation by the end of Sunday School and the rest begin to trickle out during the sermon. Heck, last week one fellow left before I finished the opening prayer. Why did he even come at all?

The latecomers just stand in the foyer if the back row is filled. We thought we fixed that by blocking the air conditioning to that area, but then they just go back home instead. Don’t get me wrong–if they make it into the parking lot they’re counted on the attendance, but it would be nice to keep them long enough to shake hands and take up offering. There has to be a way to compel people to stay until the end of service.

Now there is.

Does this happen to you? Then hold on to your seat Jesus Junk International has the answer.


The Roulette Sanctuary.

The Roulette Sanctuary adds an element of surprise and interest to your humdrum Sunday morning. Jesus Junk sent our research and development dream team to Las Vegas and instructed them to double down. The result was a brainstorming session with the Nevada State Gaming Commission and the League of Professional Illusionists to bring the state-of-the-art Roulette Sanctuary to life.

We needed a way to spice up the boring church experience. We utilized the element of surprise and the element of the prize to keep the crowd firmly planted in their seats. The concept is simple. Everyone wants to be entertained and everyone loves to win cash and prizes. We took the basics of the roulette wheel and applied them to the seating arrangement. Now each seat has a number and a color. From here we turned our attention to logistics.

Stationary stagnant seating would only lead to questions of integrity. We needed a way to simulate the haphazard way a roulette ball bounces around the wheel. The masters at the League of Professional Illusionists had just the answers. We can’t share with you how it works, but you never know where you seat will end up. After the ride, uh, seat is loaded, it will shift location every five minutes.

Move to the front.
Move to the side.
Keep your seat.
Claim your prize.

At intervals pre-determined by the deacon board, prizes will be awarded to random colors or seat numbers. What young couple wouldn’t want a get-out-of-jail-free card, also known as no nursery duty for six months? Would you hang around for the closing prayer if you could get a half-off tithes coupon? With that extra five percent you could pick up another jet-ski for the lake house. Who doesn’t yearn to have the church’s unlimited wifi code? And finally the coveted and sought after 12:15 reserved seating at the local Golden Trough Buffet.

This and more can be yours if you just keep your seat.

What prize would keep you seated until the final prayer?

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