Soundbite Sermon

Ever since John the Baptist’s epic revelation in John 3:30, evangelists and attorneys, pastors, prophets and politicians have been seeking a way to lock their speeches in the minds of the masses. They want a way to seal the essence of their message in the hearts of their audience. With the words–

He must increase, but I must decrease

John did just that.

recordWhile proof-texting is a great way to remember segments of the Bible and make them conform to your daily walk, there needs to be a way to proof-text your religious leader’s sermons. Every word from every sermon is obviously not pertinent to every person. There must be a way to distill all of that content and mold it to fit your lifestyle.

Jesus Junk International recognized this need and set about creating their Soundbite Sermon coaching service and software package. This initiative incorporates hundreds of soundbite specialists sifting through millions of hours of speeches and essays to find the most intriguing soundbite material.

These are loaded into our software suite and made available to the preaching public for a modest licensing fee. It’s as simple as entering your sermon in the post field and hitting the flame-red “Soundbite Me” button.

In mere seconds the program matches the wording of your sermon to popular new-age herbalists, life coaches and translated documents from third-world dictatorships. It then spits out a variety of the hottest soundbite options for use with your sermon.

Don’t worry–We didn’t forget your social media addiction. Each soundbite is 100% Facebook-status postable. With 81% coming in at 120 characters or less, they are totally Tweetable including your @CoolSoulpatchPastor Twitter handle.

Soundbites come in a variety of structures. We at Jesus Junk International took the liberty of naming them for easy search on our database. Here are two we’ve highlighted:

  • Rhyme Time- This makes use of the natural ability of rhyming words to stick in our heads. Who could forget such a classic as

If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

If it worked for O.J. it will work for your congregation.

  • Opposites Attract- This style actually comes in several sub structures. The most recognizable is the method John used. What better way is there to compress a sermon? 

He Must INCREASE, but I must DECREASE.

The second is a double-tier soundbite using opposing subjects, the same verb and opposing objects.

Faith activates God; fear activates the enemy.

  • Alliteration Rules- This structure uses repeating vocal sounds to suggest a rhythm thereby searing the phrase in your head.

It’s not a project, it’s a process.

No matter what method you choose, know that you’re not alone. All of today’s preaching superstars use a flurry of soundbites.

Disclaimer: Not all of these examples use Jesus Junk International’s Soundbite Sermon Suite.

Pastors Furtick, Driscoll, Noble and many others have made use of life coach and raw food evangelist Ka Sundance’s philosophical statement summed up in the great soundbite phrase:

Stop achieving and start receiving.

This phrase has been massaged over the years to fit a variety uses, as well as being printed on cut-rate V-neck T’s from the Polynesian garment district. The “It ain’t about achieving…” Southern boy, no-nonsense lead pastor version is quite popular.

A cursory scan of the Twitter will yield all the affidavit you need if you’re not convinced the Soundbite Sermon Suite is for you.

Change the way we change!

…continuing what He has already finished.

Great opposition may be your greatest opportunity.

Never doubt in the dark what God declared in the daylight!

Let adversity become your university.

Out of our greatest rejection comes our greatest direction.

God wants you to be a winner, not a whiner.

Never give up what the Lord wants for you the most, for what you can have in the moment!

As always there are group buying, bulk buying and mix & match buying discounts available. Check out our other fine products here.

Is your Christian walk guided by soundbites? Ever build a sermon around one?  Is your testimony full of soundbites?

2 thoughts on “Soundbite Sermon

Add yours

  1. Oh man, I’ve been looking for something that could filter through all that “context” and get straight to the good stuff. GIVE ME SOUNDBITES!! Happy to have found this. Thanks, Barba, you’re a real life-saver.


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