With the popularity of a certain duck-hunting family dynasty skyrocketing on TV, Jesus Junk International realized there is a huge segment of our demographic we are not serving. We know the Christian sportsman out there is hunting for ways to bag himself a trophy “God experience”. Look no further. Jesus Junk has developed an entire Holy Spirit Attraction strategy to maximize your God-hunting season. Many of our competitors would have you believe God is always with you. Why take a chance on a run-of-the-mill common God experience when Jesus Junk can lead you to more.
First up is the aerosol sin remover spray. This spray is designed to mask the stench of sin associated with being human. You reek of sin and you don’t even know it because you’re always surrounded by it. Let us hide that unsavory stink with the aroma of olive oil, new electronics and cash money. These are the things the Holy Spirit loves about modern church. This spray comes in a camouflaged alabaster carrying case to protect it against harmful U rays.
The bible says that the “Religion that God…accepts…is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” (James 1:27) That’s where the widows and orphans inflatable decoys come in. Like other decoys, this durable air-filled crowd will draw in your query. Place them sporadically around your hunting area to prove that you are “looking after” them. We have discovered in field testing these decoys that they also appear to be a crowd of “two or three gathered together.” A bonus in pulling the Spirit your way.
Finally, the flagship product in this line of trophy God gear. The Praise Commander. Every Christian knows that God inhabits the praises of His people. The Praise commander is a battery-operated, thousand voice choir tuned to sing all of the most popular praise hymns and choruses.
The unique thing about the Praise Commander is that it plays all of them at once. No more waiting for the mood to be set with the endless repetition of a chorus. Just click play and listen as 267 of the greatest praise songs of all time blast the airwaves. The Praise Commander comes with its own PC branded ear protection.
There’s no time to waste. Spring God-season, also known as Easter, is just around the corner. Don’t miss your chance to bag a huge God. Make your way out to the hunting club and prep your pew in advance. Add on a Jesus Jacket to increase your chances.
Don’t forget about the other fine products from Jesus Junk International and as always there is a discount for bundling and buying in bulk.
Do you attract the Holy Spirit in your service or is He already there? What do you think we mean when we say to “invite the Holy Spirit in our presence?”