Jesus Jacket

From the makers of Construct-A-Christ a new product emerges in the line of “Jesus Junk”—products every Christian needs. Take a look at this typical Sunday morning conversation during the commute to church.

“What are you doing? We’re already 15 minutes late and we’re only half-way to church!” she pointed out.

“I can’t help that you suddenly decided to start going all the way over to THE First Mega Apostles Assembly of the Friendly Seekers Super Cell Group church. It’s a long drive, besides I forgot my Jesus Jacket,” he said. “I gotta go back, too big a risk.”

“For your information, I feel like I am being fed there.” She retorts. “Jesus Jacket? What are you talking about?

Sound familiar? Have you ever felt like you can’t walk into a church without a little insurance?  Like you can’t risk the people there finding out you’re a fraud? You know you need to be able to project the image of Christ but can’t on your own?  Me, too, so I bought a Jesus Jacket.

It’s the latest innovation in unsightly sin management. People may know in their heads that you are a damaged, post-fall human being, but they don’t need to see it in living color. The idea is to keep people from seeing your rough edges. If you are a “born again” Christian but still find you fall short of the image of Christ, it’s time to pick up the phone and order your very own Jesus Jacket, before someone finds out who you really are.

Many times the word Christian is defined as “little Christ or Christ-like.” That’s some heavy pressure. None of us want to be the one to soil Jesus’ image. What better way to protect the reputation of the Savior than to cover up the imperfections of His namesakes, the Christians. It’s a sort of camouflage to blend in at church. At the same time, should you want to pass out tracts or help the homeless, it’ll make you stand out in the secular world.

These jackets are light weight and easily stored in their pocket-pouch when not in use.  They are available in a variety of styles and sizes to fit any situation.  Made of a space-age polymer material the Jesus Jacket resists wrinkling. Your Jesus Jacket will look great even if you have to slap it on in a hurry when that busy-body from church shows up unexpectedly  at your job.

Our most popular and high-tech model has the proprietary Church Staff Mode. Six-way 3D cameras take a composite of the common church members around you in a conversation then project that composite back out. People can always identify the sin in another’s life but rarely see it in their own. This techno-savvy fashion statement leaves your friends thinking “What a cool guy. He’s a Christian just like me.” This model has recently been released to the average laity, now anyone can appear to be holy and Christ-like in a group of their peers.

You may be wondering about how the Jesus Jacket came into existence. The research and development staff discovered a similar concept in the New Testament. They found countless clues, tips and advice, all pointing to this theory. Jesus said to “deny yourself and take up your cross,” this is a reference fordeath. Paul said ”I die daily,” then “to live is Christ, to die is gain.” John, in his book said “He must increase, but I must decrease.”  They were pointing to the death of self leaving a hollow shell. This shell or suit, if you will, could then be worn by the resurrected Christ. You could then look like you but act like HIM. The trouble with this is it’s complex and very difficult. Add those liabilities to the fact that you stop living like you want and it becomes to much hassle.

While trying to improve on the efficiency of this burdensome task, scientists stumbled onto the Jesus Jacket. Now, you can look like Jesus to others without all the self-denial or the loss of control. There is one warning that goes with every Jesus Jacket sold. You will only look like Jesus and not actually act like Him so there is still the chance you will be discovered. To deter this maintain all your Christian relationships on a superficial level to keep anyone from knowing the real you is inside that fabulous looking Jacket.

How have you projected an image to keep up appearances? Is it difficult to be transparent and let God have His way?

5 thoughts on “Jesus Jacket

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  1. I discovered long ago that it’s way too much work. I don’t have that many warts, so I’m totally willing to make people uncomfortable with this conversation: “How are you, Rachel?” “Oh, I’m really tired, actually. And I didn’t want to come this morning.” “Oh…well. Hmm. Sorry to hear that.” *awkward pause*


  2. Pingback: CoverAll « Rambling with the Barba

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